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tracker03>>
4th February 2001
if you,
like everyone else are going
to leave me alone
and like it
so be it
if i
am going to spend the rest
of my life talking
to the person
in the mirror
so be it
if you,
obstinate you--
still think that life is bad...
look at mine
if i,
alienated--
am thinking of letting go...
well hang on
this strange sense of voyeurism has
began to grown on me so much
so that it is no longer strange...
and as i see yous merging with the
other yous and the many yous don't
get choked in my head anymore cos
yous is no longer a dirty word...
that gradual perishing of I has
got into the blind spot of yous and
has brought out the punitive side of
yous and why am I the sinner...
the feeling of non-existence though
i see my shadow when there is no light
and the feeling of discontinuity though
i have been dwelling in this emotional
black hole for so long so long that it
should be time for me to ignore it's
existence like what yous have done to mine
hate the vulnerable I so small
that even the caps can't help but
to add to it's misery and the question
of how to continue living will continue
to bug me until i have reached the pit
of the emotional black hole--if there is one
>>end tracker03
chalk laden
sprightly green
chipped fingernails
scratching down
wave of terror
gushing through
heart wrenching
punished ears
unsurprising
that's my life
dry flaky blood
pawed across
fresh and biting
sandpapered
three full seconds
my heart bleeds
a tinge of salt
blood on tongue
unsurprising
that's my life
tendrils reached
to force a smile
tendrils slain
i fell to death
tendrils left
not quite human
tendrils anchored
on quicksand
unsurprising
that's my life
cat on street
nine times to die
trapped alien
immortalized
attempts to
touch human race
labelled plague
captured again
unsurprising
that's my life
it
A lethargic mien
tinge of childishness,
air of a potent rebel,
feeling
feeling of loss
eyes welled by melancholia
Take this odyssey
"In the pursuit of truth"
The truth, so hideous,
yet elusive,
yet so non-conforming......
To the many others
lost in this suicidal odyssey,
May I say my prayers
Ripped, Ripping, RIP
it will never return,
after it is lost.
The wandering child in it
Roams-
in this vast space of nothingness,
Trapped-
in this surreal maze,
The devil
played a nasty joke
It will never return.
Perilous route
As the evils abound,
Will strangle us
Suffocates
till we die a horrible death.
Or
stretch their skeletal hands.
Grab and throw us into
The bottomless abyss.
Familiar.
Obstinate individual
Choice
Choose to ride the under currents...
Insanity
Whatever
Whatever
Fake the attachments
don't wander,
Desires--
Aloofness
Temptations --
Nonchalance
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